In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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