Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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