i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize