butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
