Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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