he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
