I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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