She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
