I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
