Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
