Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
