can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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