kristin has been a bad kristin
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
