chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
