ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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