imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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