My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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