I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
