Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
