so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
this is an emotional support booty call
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
