I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
