I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
