isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
