Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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