I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
