exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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