Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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