I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
