You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
