last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
