y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
