i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
