But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
