Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
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You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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