my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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