Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
