Soap is not a condiment
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
