life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
