Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
