Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
