Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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