You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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