Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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