i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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