You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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