Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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