he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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