Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
