i would punch a child for taco bell
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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