Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
