she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
