god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
