his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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