Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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