I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
