Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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