Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
