you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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