so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
