I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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