Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
