Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
