I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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