Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
