This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
