some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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