He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
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I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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