Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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