I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
