I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
