Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
