homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
FUCK WHALES
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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